If you really want to get to know the human behind this screen, there are a few things that classify as crucial knowledge. The first 5 were listed in A Blog About My First Time. But, here is the extended edition. First up is my completely illogical stubbornness. Don’t ask me why but for some reason when I get an idea, it just has to be done. I will absolutely not take “no” for an answer. Secondly, if there is anything that I’m good at, it’s doing the complete opposite of what I have been told to do. Now, these two things don’t apply to every area of my life. However, they definitely played a role in the following stories.
Allow me to further explain my last paragraph so you guys don’t think you’re reading the blog of a total imbecile. My hard head mostly comes into play with things like dancing in public, jumping off of random things and climbing others. So, basically, it’s all stuff that I think is hilarious and my friends claim isn’t funny. I say “claim” because I am not entirely convinced that they don’t find me funny. While the jury is still out on if they are laughing at or with me, we all know they are definitely laughing because I’ve got sick jokes and even sicker hops. Now that we have established the fact that I am the only human that thinks I’m funny, let’s get on with this dang post.
Last July I went to Colorado with my aunt and my grandparents. This post may make it seem like it was horrible, but it is honestly one of my favorite trips that I’ve ever been on! Despite being amazing, the list of epic fails that took place on that trip is just stupid. I know what you’re thinking, “Elaina is the stupid one”. Well, stop. I have no evidence that I was not the cause of this adventure gone wrong, but whatever.
The first catastrophe involves my graceful self and a waterfall. While we were hiking we walked over this little bridge that took you across a waterfall. Now, call me crazy but I have no clue what the proper terms are to describe a waterfall. So, I’m just going to pick some words and hope it works. Anyway, said waterfall had a multiple different drops. So, it would drop then turn into a river, then drop again. Sort of like stairs! Well, miss stubborn adventurer over here decided that she simply must get a trendy picture in the waterfall. (Do you see where this is going yet?) I handed my phone to my aunt, told her of my great plan and proceeded to climb through the water and slippery rocks to get to the perfect spot. As you can imagine, this did not at all go as well as I planned. I totally wiped out. Soaking wet, all cut up and laughing hysterically, I just sat in the water and accepted defeat as the other hikers walked past laughing and looking very confused. The worst part of this story is not that I fell in a freezing cold waterfall; it is that to this day, I still do not have a good picture of that waterfall. However, I do have a picture of me falling over. That will not be featured. That is stored with the many pictures of me ruining beautiful backgrounds. Believe me when I say there are many of those.
The next story is one that I have never been able to really find the right words to describe it with. In Colorado Springs there is this ridiculous hike called the Manitou Incline. It’s only one mile but you gain over 1,000 vertical feet. Because of how intense this thing is, they recommend that tourists not do it unless they are very physically fit. While I may not be overly physically fit, I am great at doing stuff I’m told not to do. So, on July 4th my aunt and I got all decked out in America attire and hiked this thing. It was awful. It poured down rain the entire time. Once we finally got to the top, we were so relieved. The next part was easy, right? All we had to do was follow the path back down the mountain then go home and nap. If we were normal humans, this would be true. But, we’re talking about my life here so of course that is not at all what happened. We get to the entrance of the path and it looks like there are a few different options. So, with no one else around, we just chose what we thought looked like the right path. It wasn’t not even close. But by the time we realized it, we were already too far gone and we could not turn back. This mountain was so steep that we literally were scooting down it on our butts and holding onto the tree stumps because if we didn’t we would fall over. A bit later we meet up with this family. It was a mom, dad and two little kids. They were walking with a big Asian family. After deciding to team up with them, my aunt and I somehow got put in charge of leading this huge group of people down this freaking mountain. Listen, when I tell you that we are not the people to be doing this…I mean it. I’ve seen Man vs Wild like one time. I don’t know how to keep myself alive. Let alone all these other humans that are now looking to me to lead them to their freedom. So, my aunt took charge and led the group and I stayed in the back, helping them climb around and keeping tabs on where everyone was so we didn’t lost them. At some point the Asian family decided to break off and go a different way. Now, I want to clarify that this was not me being bad at my job. This a a decision that they made despite me using my expertise to tell them to stay with the group. I honestly still have no idea what happened to them. I wonder how long it took them to get out. Maybe they are still there. Maybe they set up a little colony and are living out their days as bush people. Anyway, now it is me, my aunt and this family of four. Who, by the way, were all crying. All of them. The mom, dad, son and daughter. My aunt and I were the only ones with our lives together. Finally after a few hours of just aimlessly walking (what we assume is down) the side of this mountain, we find the trail. I never thought I would be that excited to see a dirt path in my life. Once we get down to the bottom, there are police, park rangers and search and rescue waiting to speak to us. So, after the most ridiculous day, we were covered in rain, sweat, mud and everything else nature has to offer. But it did not stop there. We still had to give statements to Colorado officials about why we got lost on the mountain, who we got down and every person that we helped.
There’s honestly no good way to conclude these stories other than by saying that this stuff happens to me all the time. You would think I would have learned by now but somehow I always get myself into these situations. There is my Colorado adventure for you all. I am still not sure how I am alive.
So, here’s to the lost Asian family, doing stupid things in the name of adventure and the search and rescue team that was waiting for us at the bottom.
Cheers, friends. Much love always.